everything in life is maya ( illusion) happiness within...

 Nothing in life is worth arguing for- now if i could only convince myself that it is the truth then i could truly live in peace. I have taken this habit of sitting in my room and emptying my thoughts for 15 minutes or more. Sometimes I just think about the grass, the wind, the water, the sea, the deep ocean, the eyes of the tiger, the flowers, the rain---the trees---nature, and nothing else. During this times i feel complete, that everything i need in life is already there. Sometimes I think about the one man I love and I smile, I keep on generating thoughts about positive things that will happen to me and him. I am very happy during this moments, the joy is pure, there are no expectations from anybody. No family members to nag you and tell you to become this or that, no television to trick you into thinking that you are not enough, no harsh comments from friends regarding weight, no need to talk about money, or politics. no need to gossip about neighbors or think about what food i will eat> it is just me and this peaceful world. Feeling the connection with the universe, is so strong. In the past I had always advocated against many things like tuition fee increase, weight problems even to the point of starving myself, i got overly obsessed with finding a way how to become popular myself- drinking sprees, never ending coffee conversations, rationalization, questioning the meaning of life and so and so forth, getting depressed when things do not go my way- and wanting to change the world because I was forever discontented. And then  i just woke up one day and got tired of it all. Fighting the world, screaming and shouting,changing my appearance, maintaining a so called discipline for others, maintaining a certain weight to be loved, arguing, trying so hard to be noticed, to gain the attention of others- its just not me anymore. Nowadays i just shy away from conversations. after all i am slowly realizing that life is more about living in peace together with the elements. Animals and trees, never mind the expectation of humans or my own expectation about humans- it just really does not matter anymore, Love is always inside me. I can never find it with others even if i try hard enough- it is just here inside me, living, thriving.. I find watching the birds, the trees, the flowers soothing, its like there is no idea in me that is left regarding the need to prove myself with clothing or with my current social status. i dont have the energy to criticize anymore, i dont really care about politics, the condition of any country or my hair. Sitting there and emptying my thoughts, or sometimes visiting a vast plain of land, grassy mountaintop, feeling the call of the universe in that 15 to 20 minutes of silence is enough- i have all that i need. Happiness within. the glorious feeling of putting everything down, and not resisting anything- i hope to feel higher and elevated as i continue to love myself and heal myself---my thoughts are calmer this days, my sleep is more relaxed. I have everything that i need in life...

eating together with a cat

When I was in high school I had no problem eating alone, well I honestly did not understand some of my classmates  but to be real, I am happier dining out with my friend Maricar, we just laugh the day away, it never occurred to me to think about my weight-in those days, it does not really matter to me. laughing was enough. then i went to college, there were a few years ( 1st and 2nd yr) college where I always ate alone in cafeteria's. Do not get me wrong, i chose to be that way, unlike american culture, we don't have jocks or mean and popular girls in school, it was just meant to be that way. Peace was more important to me when I was in college, the serenity of eating alone and choosing my food and then afterwards going to the library and entertaining my thoughts in countless of fiction books. anyway, i got past that and eventually joined my classmates when I was in 3rd year college. In fact I loved eating together with friends, they might give this quirky feeling inside sometimes, when they go bursting out odd comments. But i loved it. I loved dining with friends and having coffee together with Florabel and florenda, as well as other philosophy classmates of mine in Tulips(near slu gate)
it no longer exists as of today....but I loved that place.
in college it has not occurred to me to feel sad when i am eating alone, i just did not feel it, in fact i want the feeling. I literally want the peace of mind, to stare at my food, get done with it and then go about with my next action. However, i met my boyfriend Nik... ^_^, things really changed. I could not eat without him, well yes, i can still literally eat but it does not possess any zest for me. I just end up eating ice cream and not having dinner or just eating random fruits. It somehow feels empty and meaningless to eat just by myself, his presence and his energy is different. I feel better when i eat together with his family or if there is a party, it gets really hard for me nowadays to work up an appetite if i am alone in my apartment. But gladly, I have a pet cat named Mirmo. aka punggoy. He joins me for breakfast sometimes, well he eats in a separate bowl of course,...nik cant always be with me, he has to work....so i am stuck planning my own breakfast and dinner. things have really changed for me. but anyway,the loneliness is gone when punggoy eats with me...its cute really. I just want to express how i miss my boyfriend and end up smiling when i realize life is meant to be balanced out. eating together with a cat isn't so bad after all...with those cute paws...Anyway i know he will come back during the weekend. and i hope i would be given the chance to serve him a kick ass meal( of course he and i will eat a  kick ass meal this friday or saturday). oh wait yeah, i realize how in love i am with nik....and with my cat mirmo ^_^
and i realize the philosophy of dining alone. and how i got to realize the person i turned out to be. its not so bad after all, to want the company of others. to share and to smile. next time i would be speaking about the healing process of my soul when it comes with food. and weight.

how the media destroyed the philippines

 Don't get me wrong- but I have decide not to watch Philippine news ever again. It is just too one sided, predictable, overly dramatic and is very far away from the truth. I do not know why PHilippine media continue to show shoots that show people dying from vehicular accidents- its not like the cases would decrease if they would report it. Watching the news is just too depressing, in fact if there is  a hostage situation all the media cares about it their ratings, not really human life. just the ratings. It is all about the ratings.
Liga ng katotohanan? really what is truth anyway?  the media starts to create their own truth and sell it to people, they edit the report, indent, remove some details, exaggerate some then bring it back to the people. Honestly the news is 90% bad and 10% good. If you will observe none of the worthy projects and undertakings of good and creative filipinos are being presented. the media has this habit of projecting savage Filipinos, unlearned, dumb filipinos, stupid politicians,  falling economy, depressing conditions. oh come on, life is not always that way in the Philippines, we have good times. In the past I wanted to become a journalist, now I am so glad i did not continue that dream. what for?  why the heck would i want to be remembered for spreading the sad news everyday? and one thing i have observed, the news is not balanced at all, we dont even have the media stating about worthy projects by private individuals, its just about manny pacquia and kris aquino all the time. this is saddening.

 I have a part two for this one.

faith without the existence of structures ( the church or any group) is it possible?

anne rice, the writer of the interview with the vampire, was once a Christian. She decided to write a book about Jesus Christ and after ten years...this is what she has concluded...she will leave Christianity behind and just remain believing in Jesus...is that possible? for her case yes, she is a proclaimed atheist. who believes in Jesus..and no longer believes that she needs to attend every SundaY (mass, testimonials. other church proceedings)...perhaps because she wants to get out of the prejudice that is existing with protestant churches nowadays.

one existing prejudice: they cannot accept gays and lesbians... but science is now saying that homosexuality can be transferred through the genes, if one member of the family is gay or lesbians chances are that for the next generations other gays and lesbians will be born.
i do not understand. i think that love can exist between 2 males and 2 females and as long as they are not hurting others...physically, financially, emotionally. i believe we have the right to judge them or call them names.

another existing prejudice: protestants (born again, iglesia ni kristo, alagan ni quiboloy, ang dating daan, rise up philippines, rise up korean, victory church, jehovah, seventh day adventist...etc...) they are the Chosen ones by God?
I do not understand this idea. what is the use of preaching and reaching out to others if you already have the mentality that only you are the child of God?  and that you have the right to judge transvestites, prostitutes, alcoholics...and many others.
they even require a pastor's recommendation before they will accept you in their schools...they are creating a membership club where you cannot get in.
you cant even get married to a  born again or an iglesia ni kristo if you do not convert to their beliefs and religion---where is freedom and understanding in that way of thinking?
Where is acceptance? I remember Jesus dined with a tax collector, accepted prostitutes, did not judge...

Concept of heaven and hell: accept Jesus, so you can go to heaven and if not you will burn in hell? what if we would remove this concept. there is no reward of heaven,,and there is no hell.
do you honestly think that people would suddenly kill each other? that there is no moral law? are you only doing good things because there is a promise of heaven? the asian award of the year was given to a chinese vegetable dealer who gave all her savings to charitable institutions. She does not buy clothes for herself... is she bad? is she wrong, will she go to hell? because she is not a Christian? will mahatma Gandhi go to hell? are their works useless?
What is the point of salvation if you will completely renounce the world. HOw can you renounce the world if you are living in it.
and if people loved heaven so much, why are they not ready to die and meet their creator?
In the first place can we place human attributes to God---can we fathom God, or is it to label God and diminish God by describing who God is.
what is there is no reward, what if the Bible tells you that you must love Jesus with all of your heart and serve humanity without a reward...no heaven...just death at the end.
what if?  what if there is no Bible...
Sometimes i wish there was no Bible, there would be no debates. Sometimes I wish there are no religions, no difference between Muslims and Christians, no difference from protestant Catholics...just people living in peace, and respecting one another...now if there is a heaven...that kind of heaven i could believe. I dont need a heaven made of gold.. why be have a materialistic heaven?

Martin LUther has chosen to create another faction or group because he thinks that roman catholics already have a routine, a tradition...and he was sick of it...but what is happening right now...actually the church and worship procedures of most protestant churches today are routinary...
the same... the goal of martin luther is lost.. the truth is some churches today would even force you to pay offering...i thought it should be done  with love
I will not even be surprised if this essay will not be published, or if someone reads it and they will kill me...for my thoughts..radical thoughts.

i am wondering if pastors are preaching about appreciating life nowadays...or do they just preach about financial security.
that money will come if you donate in the church
i wonder if people who go to church really know the people they are sitting with...
i wonder if they talk about how beautiful nature is..how to be thankful
or do they just pray for health and jobs...
i dont know...
I just think that even though it is impossible to state what God is...I believe God is so much more,
God is in love for nature, for animals too.
Why cant they just pray for happiness, contentment, peace of mind. The ability to see how beautiful life is...
even without too much money, even without too much TV, celllphones, cars and so on and so forth. And by the way Priests and pastors have a lot of money...

for self discipline
sometimes Confucius and Buddhists way make more sense...
do preachers really know and love people attending the church
or do they just impose? shout what they want to say. force what they want to say? Shout....most of the time,,,shout...
I hate preachers..if only they can practice what they preach...to love...to love and be proud of their own kids, to show love to their own wife...rarely...i rarely see that.

*** by the way i am not claiming that believing In Jesus is wrong.
or that there are not benefits gained from religion, or that there are no good things that happen to people who believe..
all i am saying is that
Life is so much more...if people  do not get stuck in religion and just have faith,
Faith is equivalent to positive thinking
i hate hearing or watching people debate over what is the real church or how to best serve God, i dont even like churches claiming they are the best. the only one,
why dont they just concentrate on Love...
i dont see love in churches nowadays...all i see is people hungry for power and money...
and until that is the case i will criticize it...and not take part in it in anyway
happiness and love is not existing in this churches...and i dont think that Jesus aimed to give out that kind of message...
i do not think that it is necessary to judge, to debate, to criticize, to force people to go to church if they do not want to.
there are other ways of worship...like seeing nature, taking care of nature. Loving people. even animals..respect....respect for the opinions of others...respect-----

Jesus is the Church right....not the structure. not the money offerings, not the fancy churches or fancy people in Church...where is Jesus...i dont see them in church people nowadays...

bride wars the movie: short but sweet ( anne hathaway, kate hudson)

bride wars trailer

The story was predictable, well pretty predictable but it is still nice to watch. I give it a B for a grade. It is close to a chick flick, but more on the funnier side. Well, for one thing anne hathaway and kate hudson are pretty to look at, seeing them wear gowns and coats while walking in the streets of New York was fun in itself, well for women.


 The writer in my view tried to make sense of the characters, kate hudson was a lawyer ( legal consultant) head strong and with a huge bank account ,  while anne hathaway was a middle school teacher who always got bullied.  The characters were interesting, and they tried to make it as funny as possible, but not as funny as Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson combined ( Anger management) but it was worth a shot.
LIke my title, the movie was indeed sweet, charming---but would only work its charm for women in their 20's and 30's. The ending of the movie was great by the way, I would have loved to see more cat fights and edgy stunts coming from this two gorgeous and lovely actresses. I would recommend  this only for a person who wants to have a light movie after  watching dramatic and oscar winning movies. its nice to have a break once and a while and not think.
 all in all, i say there is no harm in watching the movie( except for men) and this movie is not for teenagers by the way, they would have a hard time understanding the plot, this movie works well for the working class.

the green zone: matt damon ( why i would not recommend it)

Well I have decided to create movie reviews and comment on just about anything- i am good at it, i have discovered that i love doing it and i have a knack for it and by the way... it is useful. so the movie green zone which stars the actor Matt Damon ( also in Bourne Identity)
 The story is about  American soldiers discovering covert and faulty intelligence  regarding weapons of mass destruction.--and basically that's about it.
Pay seng's verdict: it is not a must see movie, compared to other Matt Damon movies this failed comparatively. Well the story was dull and typical, you can see typical Iraq, Iran, Baghdad sort of thing- Muslims being killed, hostages, soldiers holding guns all the time. Nothing magical about it. In fact it was so boring the four people who watched the movie with me fell asleep. Yes, fell asleep.Bottom line ( we have seen this setting over and over again) it does not help that the hostages get killed most of the time, and the movie gets really depressing once you see them being tortured and arab muslims head's being covered in dark cloth. Honestly, it does not have a good plot, it would just intend to show that America in the story is hell bent in killing every Muslim in Iran, Iraq, Baghdad and other Muslim countries for the sake of vengeance. there is no green zone, no safe place. So you basically would just be pissed in the end.
The women journalist in the story- in fact does not have a precious role, it just shows how dumb journalists can be at time, they go on publishing things without verifying them (well this happens in real life as well) which will add to your anger against dumb journalist in reality. Well the other officer who was supposed to help the terrorist cell group leader to surrender in peace-was nowhere to be found in the end. and one of the characters would exclaim that it is not the role of american soldiers to decide what will happen in their land ( in truth this is the only line in the movie which was worth quoting)
This movie is definitely not a good one for people who want to have a good time, war movies are really just depressing. except if they contain magnificent twists, this movie however is an epic boring fail.

love the most abused and raped word of all time

love the most raped and abused word...  it is the most likable word of all time...

likable as in the most needed word. why not love?

most of the time people avoid the topic, even in concerts.masyado na daw korny pag usapan ang love, career na lang!

pero i dont think na mas masaya pag usapan ang career...lalo kung call center trabaho mo...forgive me hehehe...

o dili kaya clerk sa bangko? (agree)

kaya lang naman nagiging pangit ang love kapag inaabuso ng mga highschool. lalo yung mga batang kung makaemote parang end of the world na pag may heartache,kung alam lang nila na wala pa yan...oo nga pala hindi ko inaadvise ang bf-gf relationship sa mga highschool. simple lang, kasi wala pa kayong sariling pera. period.(wahahaha) kahit may pera ka siguradong pera ng magulang mo yan! parang ang pangit ng payo ko...change....well kasi sa highschool hangat hindi mo alam ang economics, mabuti pang lubayan mo muna ang ligaw. ang ligaw naman eh hindi yan love. hindi love ang hindi kaya panindigan.at bukod sa isyu ng pera ,hindi pa kaya ng kapasidad ng utak ng isang high school maintindihan bakit paiba iba ang nararamdaman nya. madami pang bagay na dapat maenjoy bago isabak ang sarili sa relationship. wait may pagkakaiba nga pala ang in a relationship sa many forms ng love.

pero sabi nga nila hindi love kapag na abuso, kapag pangit, kapag may kulang, kapag may mali, kapag may nasasaktan.

so ang love nga kaya ay pleasure? hindi rin daw eh, love involves sacrifices. hindi ko alam kung tama yun?

* ang madaming mukha ng love*

committed couples

at hindi committed couples...ay wait dalawang mukha lang pala yun

walang tama sa dalawang ito, wala ding mali, pero makikita mo sa buhay mo na at some point pagdedesisyunan mo na pumili sa dalawa...

mamamangka ka ba sa madami? o sa iisa?

magpapakasal ka ba o hindi?

ibrebreak mo ba o hindi?

aaminin mo bang bakla ka o hindi?

magaabroad ka ba o mabubuntis?

magmamasterals ka ba o magiging super nanay?

 magiging man whore ka ba o magiging ultimate lover?

iproprostitute mo ba sarili mo hangang mahanap mo ang true love mo...wait bakit may fake love ba?

hihintayin mo ba siya na mapansin ka?

hihintayin mo ba siya bumalik?

babalik ka ba?

aamin ka bang tomboy ka o hindi?

o mag loloner for life ka ba?

makikisama ka ba sa pamilya nya?

o magsosolo?

magpaparty forever ka ba hangang wala ka ng buhok?

o mag eenjoy mamalengke tuwing umaga?

magpapari ka ba o magmamadre

o magpapari ka bang may kabit?o hindi

choices, choices, choices...

lahat yan involved ang love, may mukha ang love....

ang alam ko lang, hindi pa din dapat maging corny ang love. yan lang naman talaga ang bubuhay sa natutulog, sa taong depressed at addict. sa taong morbid. sa taong walangya, sa taong bato. sa taong walangya, yan lang. love lang.

kahit anong ipilit ng tao, hindi mapapalitan ng laptop ang love life

hindi......

dahil love pa din ang hahanapin mo sa laptop...

kaya natalo si hitler wala siyang love.

ang layo nuh pero im sure ganun yun

kahit anong gawin mo, madami ka mang maging boyfriend o girlfriend, hindi naman love ang sex

ang sexual act pwedeng gawin yan ng walang love...kaya hahanapin mo pa din ang love

hunghang ka na lang kung eemotan mo ako ng speech na career ang gusto mo.

deep inside gusto mo ng career kapag hindi mo mahanap ang love...hindi ba?

ang love ay maganda, ang love ay buhay, ang love ay masaya...ang love ay hindi ko din maidescribe, ang love ay ang pag attempt idescribe ang love kahit indescribable siya.

virgin ka man o hindi, hindi rin importante. mayaman ka man o hindi,

love pa din,

hahanapin mo ang love sa pagkain,sa musika, sa nota, sa libro, kahit pera hahanapan mo ng love, kung pwede lang sanang bilhin ang love hindi ba?

kung pwede lang na pag uwi mo pwedeng mahalin mo lang sarili mo. o kung pwede lang sanang lahat kayong magkakaibigan single forever..pero hindi eh...sa totoo sino ang gustong mag isa, kung meron pa lang love.

kaya pag nahanap mo ang love---o ang kakambal ni love. mahirap at hindi dapat talikuran... at wag na wag na ilimita ang love sa pagkakarun lang ng bf o gf...hind yun ang ibig ko sabihin lang. pero parte yun

kasi love lang din ang hinahanap nating lahat...

hindi politika, hindi diploma, hindi masterals, hindi pera, hindi prestige, hindi label, hindi bahay, hindi cellphone...

hindi hayop.hindi si kris aquino, hindi si halle berry, hindi pagkain...love.... at lalong hindi drugs...at lalong hindi rin relihiyon

lahat ng binibiling gamit, mula damit, shades, sapatos, notebook,libro, ballpen, pati sweldo. gusto lang din nating magkarun para hanapin si love...\

pero ayun nga siguro mali ang methods natin sa paghahanap...napaka materyal ng konsepto ng love sa mundo na toh...ayan  parang preacher lang....

mahahanap mo si love, kung una, hindi mo iisiping korny ang love

ikalawa kung love at hindi katangahan ang hahanapin mo

ikatlo kung love ang uunahin mo kesa career

ano nga ba career?

pwede namang career manuod ng tv hehehe?

basta yun,,,

love...

mas malakas na rason para gumising at mabuhay araw araw, para ngumiti kahit mag isa, hindi rin talaga pangmatagalan ang love, minsan parang heroin din yan o cocaine, may 15 minutes of fame, pero once naramdaman apektado ka na..oo nakikita ang love, naiimagine, nalalasap.

andiyan lang ang love. hanapin....pwedeng andiyan na.pero wag na wag idedeny

wag na wag sabihing magpapakayaman muna. bakit di ba pwedeng yumaman na may  love?impossible ba yun? impossible bang maging matagumpay kahit walang love?

impossible di ba? worthless lahat kung walang love

yakapin ang love....yakapin

hayaang ihele ka pag gabi...